35/35

There is a board I post on that where there are certain days in your pregnancy you get excited about and can kinda brag about.  Some are 12 weeks, 20 weeks(half way), 24 weeks(called v-day viability day!), and 35/35 (35weeks/35 days to go).  Today I was supposed to be able to post that but obviously I am not. 

I am so happy to say that Elijah is doing so well though.  He took yet again another full bottle at 200 this morning, I believe thats 3 now!  He does get really tired after he finishes a full bottle so usually they let him rest the next feeding to build up some energy.  He is still having alarms that they call brady's which means his heart rate drops.  This is very common in preemies and especially since they took him off of the caffeine a few days ago.  The good news is that everytime he has an alarm he brings himself right back up, usually before the nurse even gets over by him! 

I didn't get to see him yesterday because I woke up with a sore throat :-( today I feel a little better but I am not sure if I am going to visit becasue I don't want to risk anything.  Shaun visited yesterday and now feels kinda sick today which of course makes me super nervous so please pray Elijah doesn't get sick!  They've been monitoring his temps and they have been pretty good.  He is also gaining weight like a champ!  He was 5lb5.8oz when he was born and today he is 5lbs11.4oz! 

He got moved to the intermediate room in the NICU which is a huge step!  Hopefully he continues to do well and they will put him on an "ad lib" feeding schedule this week.  He will be able to tell the nurses when he is hungry and they will go off of his cues, as long as he continues to gain weight with this schedule that is a good sign.

Although he may not be home for Christmas I know he will be home soon.  He is doing so well and us being able to be with him at the hospital on Christmas eve and day will be good enough this year!  I know next year I will have a healthy little 1 year old at home (with an almost 5 year old!...tear)!

Didn't get to see my baby today :-(

Today was super hard, I have been thinking I was going to get sick for a few days because Skyler is and today I woke up feeling pretty crappy.  I decided to stay home to rest and to not risk getting Elijah sick.  It has been really hard not seeing him today but Shaun went up and held him for about an hour and a half which helped make me feel better.

Elijah is still off of the oxygen and has been doing so well that they took him off of the pulse ox as well, so now he is just on the heart rate monitor and the apnea monitor.  They also started to bottle feed today, this morning he took 5 ccs and this afternoon he took 20 cc's.  He gets 45 through his feeding tube so they give him whatever he doesn't take through there.  He continues to gain weight which is great and has been maintaining his temp.  The dr. told me on the phone today that he had 2 alarms last night but the nurse called me and told me that they were not anything to worry about and that he brought himself back up right away.  They will be taking him off of the caffeine on Sunday which really scared me but hopefully he does fine!  We are taking an infant CPR class next week which will also go over the monitor if he has to go home on it.  The doctor told me that it is possible if he does really well with feedings that he could be home by Christmas but to not get our hopes up.  I am mentally preparing myself for him to not be home but it will still be extremley hard if he isn't.

We finished decorating the Christmas tree tonight which was supposed to be fun, but I was also supposed to be big and pregnant decorating getting ready for Christmas.  I was pulling out the ornaments and grabbed Skylers "baby's first Christmas" ornament and kinda lost it.  It just wasn't supposed to be like this and now that he is here and may not be home for Christmas is so sad.  Like I always say though I try to remember that he could've came earlier or have been much sicker so we are so blessed that he is doing so well and it is just a matter of time before he comes home. Please continue to pray that Elijah's breathing continues to do well, he doesn't have alarms, he catches onto eating, and he stays infection free!!!

No more oxygen and nursing!

Today was a really great day!  He has had his nasal cannula off since last night and is tolerating it well.  Yesterday we tried to nurse with help from the lactation consultant, he was so sleepy and didn't do much but daddy got to hold him for the first time yesterday!  Today was a completley different story!  I went in for his 11am feeding and he was so awake and alert, he nursed like a champ!  I was so proud of him, he still got his breastmilk through the feeding tube when we were done just to make sure he is getting all of his calories.  In the next day or so they are going to start bottle feeding him when I am not there to get him eating without the tube.  That is pretty much the next step for him to come home!!!  The nurse that had him today said that she thinks we could be looking at the end of next week.  That is so incredibly exciting, if he was home for Christmas that would be the best Christmas present I could ever ask for!

He is still on the caffeine but hasn't had any alarms, if he needs to go home on the caffeine he will also go home on a monitor (which I wouldn't mind :-) ) that monitors his heartrate, breathing, and pulse ox.  Please pray that he will catch onto feeding soon so that he can come home!

It's still wierd being home.  I went into the hospital at 24weeks, I was just starting to get a cute belly and now I am home and don't have a baby here.  I am so happy and know we are so blessed that he is doing so well and will be home soon so I just try to remember that instead of being down about him not being home at this very moment. 

Happy 1 week birthday!!!

I can't believe our little man in a week old today!  He has come so far in this one week!

He is on a nasal cannula, he is on room air for the fio2 and 3l of oxygen (they use what's called a blender I am not quite sure how it works), but his sats are staying good at this!  His feeding is up to 27cc's (could be 33cc's by the time we get there tonight).  He has been having some alarms that are called apnea's and brady's which is super scary for us but very common for babies his age.  He has a few in the past few days while I was holding him which was the scariest thing in the world, but the nurses are amazing and stay calm and just get him to breath again!  So since he had these they started him on caffiene which just helps his brain remember to breath!  Since he got the bolus yesterday around 2pm he has only had 2 alarms and the last one was last night at 930!  His billirubin is up so there is a good chance he will have to back on the lights but thats ok.  He is doing so great!  If his feedings stay good he will be able to get his IV out and will be able to go an open crib :-)

Today was so incredible, he was so awake and alert and just stares at us, his smile is the cutest.  He loves to have his hands by his face and loves to pull out his oxygen.  He had it out for 3 minutes today and didn't drop at all!  When we left this afternoon he was sucking on his nuk which is great for potential nursing!  We will visit him again soon so I can't wait to see my love bug! 

Shaun goes back to work on Tuesday which will be hard, it's been so amazing having him home.  He is incredible and has helped me so much as I recover from my c-section.  I am having a harder time because my muscles are so atrophied that I get tired walking short distances, walking stairs kills me.  Me and the boys are so lucky we have such a great man to take care of us! 

Please continue to pray for our little man, pray that he stays infection free and keeps making improvements!

Making progress!

Today was incredible!  We went to visit Elijah this morning like we have been, Shaun stopped in the room to drop off some milk while I went to wash my hands.  When Shaun came out he had a huge smile on his face...the vent was gone!!!!  I of course started crying, I am so very happy!  Speaking of crying, we got to hear him cry for the first time since he was first born, what an amazing sound!  He is now on the cpap and doing well, his blood gasses have been stable and vitals have been good as well!

So with that great news we were so excited and ready to celebrate with our fancy lunch the hospital was providing us.  While we were getting ready to sit down to our steak dinner (it was amazing actually!) we got a phone call!  Shaun answered and it was Elijah's nurse calling to tell us they were going to start some breast milk!!!! 

Today has been so great, we do have to remember thought that there is always a chance that he won't handle the things right away and we would have to take a few steps back.  But he is doing great with feedings so far!!!

Tomorrow is going to be the hardest day of my life, I get discharged.  I have been wanting to go home for so long and now it's finally happening, not exactly how I pictured though.  I am going to be a mess but I know he is in great hands with the nurses, doctors, and God.  We will be up here as many hours during that day as we can! 

Happy Birthday Elijah!!!

He is finally here!!!  Sorry this is pretty long!

December 1st was an odd feeling day for me.  All day I felt a little wierd, Jenny had visited me and I had even told her I felt like I may bleed and that I just didn't feel right.  Shaun never sleeps over Saturday nights because he works at 8 in the morning but I had planned to tell him that I thought he should sleep over that night when he called on his break.

So around 530pm Jenny left and I took a shower, then I went on tthe monitor.  Elijah had 2 decels(his heart rate went down very briefly) which he has never done before.  The nurse had my turn on my side and he was back to normal.  I sat up and thought I felt what might be the start to a bleed, my nurse was still in the room so I decided to stand up.  I looked at her and said I'm bleeding.  So I went to the bathroom and sure enough I was starting to bleed again!  I had her grab my cell phone and I called Shaun right away, I was actually very calm calling him but that didn't last!  As soon as I hung up I started crying because I knew I was delivering that night and that these were the last minutes I would be pregnant with Elijah.

They got me back to bed and everything started happening very fast.  Someone was putting an IV in me (they just took mine out an hour before!), lab came up to draw blood, someone was putting me on the monitor, and anesthesiology was in talking to me.  I was shaking like crazy from nerves and I just couldn't stop.  They got everything set and wheeled me off to the OR.  I was still in my bed where they started to prep me until they moved me to the OR table which was much smaller than I imagined.  They had me sit up on the side to start the spinal, I was so incredibly uncomfortable.  I was still shaking, I had a million and ten cords being hooked up to every part of my body, I was so scared for Elijah and also nervous Shaun wasn't going to make it in time!

They layed me down on the bed once the spinal was started which went great because my legs got numb pretty fast.  They tilted me backwards a bit and towards my left side so I felt like I couldn't breath and I was super dizzy!  My blood pressure dropped a little so they fixed that but I still felt like I couldn't breath.  I was one of those crazy people yelling that I couldn't breath and that I was going to die!  The anesthesiologist kept telling me I was fine, my pox was fine, and that I wasn't going to die.  Of course being a nurse logically I know all of this but you're really not thinking logically, at one point I yelled "I want to be knocked out, knock me out and cut me now!" lol.  Needless to say they gave me something to help relax me and brought Shaun in right away.  The doctor arrived and things went even faster!  Before I knew it they had him out and I heard him cry, Elijah Mason was born at 827pm 5pounds5.8oz 18 inches!!! Things were super exciting but that changed quickly.

All of a sudden they were telling me that they were trying to intubate him, something that I never thought in a million years was going to have to happen.  They tried to intubate twice without any luck, he screamed his little lungs out inbetween.  They tried cpap which I guess wasn't enough, but his color stayed pink the whole time which was great.  They then said they were taking him to the NICU and that Shaun couldn't go with.  Once I was all stitched up they took me to the recovery room where I spent a very long, worried 2 hours.  They finally let Shaun go see him.  He was doing pretty good but they did have to intubate him and put him on the vent, they also put an umbilical IV in to give him sugar and fluids for his blood pressure.

That was the scariest and happiest day of my life!  He is now 2 days old and is so beautiful!  He is still on the ventilator but doing so well, his blood gases(which tell how well his breathing is doing) are very stable they changed his labs from every six hours to every 12.  He goes back and forth from room air oxygen (21%) to 31 % which is still great.  His respirations are much more calm now and were getting closer and closer to him getting weaned off the vent.  They started TPN tonight (total parental nutrition, which is nutrients with lipids to pretty much feed him for now).  They stopped antibiotics because his cultures came back negative.  Were hoping in the next few days they may try to do a feeding tube and give him some breast milk!  When he starts it will be such a small amount, maybe 1 cc at a time to get his stomach used to it.  I was able to change his diaper and do some cares on him today which was amazing.  Wednesday he will have a head ultrasound to check that he doesn't have a brain bleed which is always a concern with preemies.  They don't seem too concerned because of his gestation (32w6d) and size, but I am not going to breath easy until the ultrasound becasue I was certain he wasn't going on a vent.  I will pray pray pray until then that his utlrasound comes back clean.  I will also be going home on Wednesday which is going to be a super hard day for me.  The day he was born they estimated he will be here 4 weeks, I pray it's an uneventful 4 weeks or maybe less and that it goes by super fast. 

Skyler is doing great with him and even kissed the isolette window today after he brought him his first stuffed animal!  Please keep Elijah in your prayers, he is such an amazing strong little boy we love him so so so much.

December!!!

I can't believe it's December 1st!!!  I can't believe we have made it his far and that tomorrow I will be 33 weeks!  Thats a ton better than the 24 we came in at!

Like I said in my last post, the plan is to deliver with the next bleed so fingers crossed that I don't.  I guess the other plan is to deliver at 34 weeks regardless.  This scares me for many reasons.  Reason 1 is that its only9 days away (they would wait til 34w1d), that is so soon and although this pregnancy has sucked I am going to miss feeling him kick so much.  Reason 2 is that I want to make sure he has the shortest nicu stay possible.  In my head I keep thinking if I make it to 34 weeks why can't we try for 35 weeks and so on, but I get the reasoning...kinda.  The doctors keep saying that it's to prevent any further complications.  The next bleed I could hemmorage and need blood transfusions, baby could lose blood and become anemic which would make him eating for the first few days harder.  So I do get the reasoning but it still seems crazy to me to choose to have a preemie, even though I know thats not what I am doing.

I will need Shaun to be here telling me it's what is best because when it comes down to it I know that I will not think rationally and I will only be thinking about Elijah, not myeslf.

We had a NICU tour the day I got back from labor and delivery this last time, it made me feel so much better.  The nurse was so smart and was able to answer all of our questions.  She made things so much less scary.  Also if he makes it to 34 weeks the chances of him being what they call "feeder and grower" is much better.  What that means is that he will be learning to eat, the part of their brain at that stage isn't fully developed so many preemies have a hard time eating at first.  If that was the only issue he would have a good chance of coming home before Christmas!

Oh and I know this is pretty stupid but if I do make it to 34 weeks I may ask if we can wait until 34w3d...12/12/12 :-) I think it would be pretty cool to have that as a birthday!